left, right, u-turn

life in the eyes of one on the run

10 minutes before 1AM.

I barely have time enough to finish all the paperworks needed to get done by the end of this week. Weird enough that I have the power to write something as weird as this entry right now. Or maybe it was just the sound of the piano playing that's making me feel the urge to settle down my boiling blood and jot this thought that's been lingering on my mind for almost one and a half months already.

I made a decision to love another person after almost 7 years of deciding not to. As a matter of fact, The current state of things makes me say that I don't really love the person at this moment in time, but rather I respect this person and starting to trust him. For one, I believe that to love a person is a decision, not a feeling; that it follows a step from respecting, to trusting, to loving.

It was a 180 degree overturn. It's entirely like a tokimeki game, only that you do everything in real time. There is no reset, there is no save point. There is just you, and the one you are pursuing - hoping that your target person will return your feelings.

I have no idea what will happen in the future. He has mood swings worse than I do. And I tell you, times come that I am the guy in the relationship and he will be that hormonal female girlfriend of mine who bitches more than who is the actual female in this relationship. LOL.

I think I've dug myself another grave. But I don't have the right to complain since I decided to do this "loving" thing anyway.


Yeah, I tell that to myself all the time. :D
Topic:Almost everyday life - Genre:Diary
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2010/08/21(土) 00:35:55 | | #[ Edit ]
Re: No title
Ohai. :)

Thank you for lending me your insight on this. It's been more than a month since I posted this entry in the net, and that one month gave me things to reflect upon.

"I just hope you are not forcing yourself because of such a beautiful image. "
>>> Let's just hope. :) to tell you the truth I don't actually have a beautiful image of a relationship since I've seen the others and it's been hard on them - not to mention I had a bad experience of it (hence my 'love' hiatus)

At the moment, I still look at that action-reaction thing because there are times when I get as moody as he is, and I tend to say hurtful stuff (though true). I'm trying to be careful with my words as much as possible (as partial resolve to this issue).

asking myself if I really love him as a man appears on my mind every morning - and yes it never fails. I do love him like how I would love a dear brother, but not yet as a man on the same platform as I do (due to some reasons).

anyways, I hope you can give your insights again. I really appreciated it.


2010/09/28(火) 14:50:16 | URL | fianzhu #-[ Edit ]
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