left, right, u-turn

life in the eyes of one on the run

Well, I played the game for a while - all thanks to my friend who lets me play with her DS. ^^ It got me entertained. haha!

Anyways, on to the main topic. Pardon for patterning the title after an otome game. Well, as of the moment I do really have a cruel duel thing with love. Without a doubt love in whatever form is a beautiful thing. It can be also the ugliest thing when it works against you.

I realized I wasted 9 years of my life waiting divided in three stages. First was I waited for 6 years for this person to love me back. It never happened, but I accepted it because it was later on that I realize that everything was just a puppy love turned to obsession. I got obsessed by happy memories and falsely hoping that it will continue. Bang.

Second was I waited and observed this person to see if our relationship could work. Apparently he wasn't doing his part of the relationship - almost no concern at all. I forgave him a number of times but the relationship didn't work. I had to let go (see previous post made 2 years ago - I think). Well I do admit I got disappointed that he was not the ideal partner I was looking for (addendum for being an idiot who ditched me and I had to wait for three hours w/o any word from him; forgave him after that though).

Third was a person who got imprisoned by his past for two years and counting. He's my closest guy friend. At this point in time we are on a platonic state of relationship. There are times that we acted as if we are actually an item, but in reality we are not. I tell you, I horribly regretted we acted like that. Why?

The romantic feelings are mutual, but he is not ready to commit yet because of his ex-girlfriend problem. He is still not over it. My logic is telling me he still loves her. But he says he doesn't. I put in all my effort for this person and waited for his wounds to heal but the rate of heal is very slow. To tell you the truth I got jealous of his ex because she was the one whom he exerted all his efforts only to get cheated on. I wanted to disappear from him, but he says he needs me.

So much for being a capable woman.

I'm angry, frustrated, but most of all tired. Tired of waiting. I vow to myself after this third person. No more. NO MORE. I'd rather buy a Golden Retriever.

I have no idea how long my patience will last...but it's reaching my limit.

I do admit, this Duel of love. I lose. I fought for 9 years, and I did my best.
Topic:Almost everyday life - Genre:Diary
10 minutes before 1AM.

I barely have time enough to finish all the paperworks needed to get done by the end of this week. Weird enough that I have the power to write something as weird as this entry right now. Or maybe it was just the sound of the piano playing that's making me feel the urge to settle down my boiling blood and jot this thought that's been lingering on my mind for almost one and a half months already.

I made a decision to love another person after almost 7 years of deciding not to. As a matter of fact, The current state of things makes me say that I don't really love the person at this moment in time, but rather I respect this person and starting to trust him. For one, I believe that to love a person is a decision, not a feeling; that it follows a step from respecting, to trusting, to loving.

It was a 180 degree overturn. It's entirely like a tokimeki game, only that you do everything in real time. There is no reset, there is no save point. There is just you, and the one you are pursuing - hoping that your target person will return your feelings.

I have no idea what will happen in the future. He has mood swings worse than I do. And I tell you, times come that I am the guy in the relationship and he will be that hormonal female girlfriend of mine who bitches more than who is the actual female in this relationship. LOL.

I think I've dug myself another grave. But I don't have the right to complain since I decided to do this "loving" thing anyway.


Yeah, I tell that to myself all the time. :D
Topic:Almost everyday life - Genre:Diary
Long week at the office disables me from blogging lately. OTZ

After the not-so-early business with my friend in Manila, we went to Gateway for lunch and then we called it a day (well, her boyfriend was with her so it's kind of awkward if I'm with them the whole time - you know what I mean).

Then I decided to go makeup fagging :D I didn't bother going anywhere than Cubao anymore since I haven't really explored the whole Cubao area - especially the malls.

My E.L.F lipgloss recently ran out (after frequent usage) so I decided to experiment with a new one. Then I ended up in Beauty Bar buying this..

Smashbox Lip Enhancing Gloss in Pixel. PhP 895. Beauty Bar.

Quite the splurge, isn't it?  It looks nude - but not dead pale on my lips so I decided to give this a go. :D I was actually looking for a lipgloss/lipstick that can somehow tame down my natural lip color (because my upper lip is darker than my lower lip - dunno why

Well, it is much cheaper than Nars's Lipgloss in Chihuahua.  I really liked its shade but....1300 PhP. errr. not at the moment. ;A;

Out of the blue, I went to SM Cubao for the sake of roaming around.  I remembered that I wanted to cosplay Natsuhi of Umineko no Naku Koro ni, so I immediately headed to their wig section.  Fortunately, I found the clip-on wig extension I was looking for. :D

this be Natsuhi Ushiromiya of Umineko....

And this is my attempt to look like her. Curly part of hair is the wig extension. Beh, I has short hair. And yes, my bangs found its purpose!! XD

While I was fitting this, a number of ladies surrounded me so I'm kind of embarrased. T_T  I admit, the extension made me look better *gets shot*   So I was so tempted to buy it since it's just 800 PhP.  ARGH.  In the end I didn't buy it. Not today.  But sometime soon. :D  

ok, my bangs are in disarray :|  I'm also wearing my new lipgloss. :D

I'm still looking for a nude lipstick. any ideas?
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Topic:art & fashion - Genre:Fashion
This event compelled me to finally launch this personal blog and report about it. :D Anyways, 56K lag warning due to pictures!

official Lights Out Poster

Well, being a fujoshi myself, one of my 'dreams' is to be in a convention exclusive to yaoi fans.  I knew before that there is one occurring every year but what holds me back then is the place where the event was held every year.  From what I knew back then it was always held in Makati - not exactly my place of expertise (I have a habit of getting lost once in a while so yeah).  So when the organizers announced that this year will be the final yaoicon they'll be organizing, I grabbed the opportunity to go there, even if the ticket costs 300PhP, and even if the place of the event is in the Lepanto Penthouse in Paseo de Roxas, Makati.

The event was held on a saturday, good thing Makati didn't have a mucho troublesome traffic flow on our way there.

Enter thy fujoshi paradise 8Db

cozy place is cozy.

The event is actually invites-only so around 120 people were allowed inside.  The place has this 19th century feel to it, since you can freely move around, we're able to do a lot of crazy stuff...

.....like this 8D

Hogging the free food at the bar, aren't we?

Bring in the people with me~~ \o/

Hello there fellow Fobodai peeps~

L-R: Sese, K, Romeo

By the way, Romeo who is a straight male, was brave enough to venture into the world of fujoshis.  We promised to take care of him in case what he sees would somehow look unbearable to his eyes XD XD XD Kudos to you~!

The invitation had this library pass to their Yaoi Manga library. HA!  But that's not all~

Several of the mangas displayed there were the ones I've read before. O_O

We tried testing Romeo's tolerance to BL stuff by letting him read several mangas there.  We gave him the most graphic ones we can find, and yeah, we heard him commenting about the art, but when it came to the actual "yaoi" part...well the rest is history.


ehem, Tohma-I mean Sese, why the photobomb?

I noticed that the penthouse has a garden, so I decided to take a look.

loving the view from the penthouse :D

The Butler Cafe is actually the one we were looking forward to.  Come'on, we don't get to go to those everyday, yes? (Unless of course, you have a lot of cash, you live in Japan, and you go to that Butler cafe that goes by the name of Royal Servant. HAHAHA.)  Anyways, the Butler Cafe is actually done in batches, since the place for the cafe is rather small.  We were supposed to be in the 3PM batch but due to delays, we were rescheduled to 4PM.  It was worth the wait anyway. :D

300PhP for entrance, yaoi library, and of course...this. :3 worth it, right? yum.

Afternoon Tea set is not complete without the tea. And it's refillable. XD

ate Merii, Issa, AK and I were seated at one table, while Sese, Romeo and K were seated at a table nearby.  Butler cafe was really fun especially the games part.  We all won a prize by competing against out butler, Li.  We all got a photo with him as well. 8Db  Then all of a sudden there came a request for fanservice by one of the customers - with our butler as the...UKE (well, Li is more of a seme-looking butler so yeah... O_o)\

ok, not that I'm complaining, I'm enjoying that fanservice anyway...for after all, I'm a fujoshi. XD  Unfortunately, I wasn't able to buy one of those fujoshi shirts D:  *headwall*

Anyways, we left the con a hour before it ended for dinner.  And our destination is... Bonifacio High Street. :D

More pictures!

L-R: Issa, ate Merii, Romeo, Sese, K, AK. 

To the organizers of Lights out, a huge THANK YOU~~! *flails*  the event was really good, even though it was the last ;A;

HAPPY Allyn is HAPPY :P Oh and I forgot that along with the invitation is a CD full of yaoi manga as a souvenir. OH JOY~~

Credits to K (ksolaris) for letting me use some of her photos for this blog entry ^_^

Check out Sese and Romeo's blog for more reviews regarding the event :D

Topic:Yaoi - Genre:Anime/Manga